I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize