So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
