his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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