I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
