Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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