you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
