Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Be still, my beating vagina.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
