4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
