girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
How external is "for external use only"?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
