hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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