and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
