I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
