So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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