I am puke
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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