His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
