I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
