no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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