I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
