You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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