If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Randomize
