I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
