He told me they were just razor bumps!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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