if you like me you must not know who I am
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
