Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
