the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
