I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Even my vagina gasped.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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