We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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