Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
