this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
