he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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