You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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