you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
