Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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