Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
