who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
