I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
