just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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