there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
