we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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