I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
