come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
