Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
