look no pants
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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