i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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