Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize