your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
