not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
