and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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