forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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