Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
