You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
