Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
