Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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