Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
