Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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