I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
