I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
