it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
