P.S. I can't hear my feet
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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