Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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