stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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