and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm bleeding and have questions
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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