oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
