To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
