Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
