So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
