i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
