Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
