it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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