I wish my penis had an off switch
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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