I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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